I've watched people for a long time now, and I always find it interesting how much people care about how others look at them, or how another thinks about them. They don't put into themselves any particular notion or interest, but only arrive in ideal of themselves-based on opinions formed by another.
Why is that?
People's opinions change so often, and are most often so incredibly superficial or vapid that their very existence is nothing but a puff of smoke. They base how they think of you on how you dress, how you speak, what you look like, if you're doing the same things as them, or if you stand out completely. They can like you one moment, and then turn around the next and say you're the most idiotic person alive.
Which leads me to my point: what someone else thinks of you, doesn't matter. What you think of yourself, is what matters. Whether or not you're content, happy with what you wear, how you dress, how you look, the things you say-you should make all these decisions about yourself, FOR yourself, not for someone else. Those other people don't have to live with the consequences of your choices, your decisions or thoughts. They don't have to live with you 24/7-but you do.
You are your own person. You're not supposed to be a clone of everyone else you come across, but an individual, with your own feelings, your own way of doing things, and your own way of thinking. Don't just break down and do whatever everyone else is doing, or saying-just to have their respect or to fit into their circles. Because if they don't like you for who you are, then they won't ever like you for who you'll become, just another version of themselves.
At the end of the day, you still have to stand before yourself; you still have to think for yourself, dress for yourself, and don't ruin yourself for someone else. Be happy with who you are. Cause I am.
Love unfolds with every shade of the rainbow.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
For My Friend Who is Suffering
To anyone who has read my previous rants, I always end it with a note that I do not aim for any of them to be read or made popular. But I will make a gross exception for this post. I want everyone to read this, I want this to be popular, I want this to be in every single fucking media outlet that University Gateway will be sorry they ever decided to push their money-hungry weight around.
In the middle of the spring semester, University Gateway held an information session on campus attempting to recruit students to apply for the Keystone position, which is similar to being a RA. I know that I am an international student and I know the specific circumstances of employment under my student visa. It states that I am allowed to have a job on-campus and off-campus if the site has an affiliation with USC. So I specifically asked the presenter that these are my visa’s restriction and is University Gateway affiliated with USC so that I can work there. They replied with a resounding yes. I went ahead and applied. My application video, which is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvOfn7wuEGY clearly states that I am an international student. During my interview process, I also made extremely clear that I am an international student. I remember one of the questions being “What is the hardest thing about being a Keystone?” and I said that it would be hard not seeing my family for a year because of the time commitments the job had. I also exchanged emails with the supervisors asking for help on how to fill out the tax forms cause I did not have a social security number at that time.
Training is about to start and I purposely fly 2 months before school starts because Gateway requested that I come in to train and work early. I do not get a salary with the job, they pay me by providing free rent. I arrive on time for training and all the new Keystones were led into a study room. I recognized the girl calling me to be Heather, the one who interviewed me and eventually hired me. She asked for my passport, visa and I-20. She looked over it and said “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to hire you”. They told me that they have no affiliation with USC. 99% of their residents may be students of USC but they are in no way affiliated with USC. So, them employing me would be illegal and I understand that. What I’m extremely frustrated about is that this could have been avoided had they checked with HR before I actually arrived in the US. I would not have been angry if they rejected me during the application process simply because of the legal issues. That is completely understandable but to have them check my documents so late into the process when I already had readily given them everything they have asked for and possibly need is absurd. I was mislead by their own staff that I was eligible to work for them. They could have corrected me; they had 4 months to do so.
Gateway is the most expensive yet convenient off-campus housing option around USC. So, Gateway would not have been an option if I did not get the job because it is simply too expensive for me to live there. So with that sentence, my job and my accommodation for the next 12 months just disappeared. I understand that there is no way they can hire me and I respect the laws of the United States. However, the subsequent events not only increased my resentment towards Gateway but prompted me to finally speak out and do something about their incompetence and greed.
As of today, Gateway refuses to compensate me in any shape or form besides allowing me to break my lease without penalties. They will not allow my roommate to break her lease and so we are going to be separated. We were already so set in living together and now I have to be randomly assigned a roommate in my alternate housing option. Gateway is the only reason why I am in LA for the next two months as school does not start till August 22. They are evicting me tomorrow after only being in this country for less than a week.
Gateway is getting away scot-free, maybe besides a guilty conscience but at this point, I doubt they have one. They are in this business to make money and disregard anyone else in their way. I am just an international student and I cannot fight against a large American company by myself, which is why I’m not looking to sue them or anything. I simply want to put this message out to all you USC students. This is their mistake and I am the one being punished. No one should be screwed over so badly, international student or a US citizen.
No more fear, stop the silence. Everyone has a voice and deserves to be heard. Please spread the word.
*This is not my story, but the story of a friend who asked that everyone who reads this, repost it on their own blog so the truth can come out and be known. She is being treated incredibly unfairly, as you can see, and I wanted to help. Thats all.*
In the middle of the spring semester, University Gateway held an information session on campus attempting to recruit students to apply for the Keystone position, which is similar to being a RA. I know that I am an international student and I know the specific circumstances of employment under my student visa. It states that I am allowed to have a job on-campus and off-campus if the site has an affiliation with USC. So I specifically asked the presenter that these are my visa’s restriction and is University Gateway affiliated with USC so that I can work there. They replied with a resounding yes. I went ahead and applied. My application video, which is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvOfn7wuEGY clearly states that I am an international student. During my interview process, I also made extremely clear that I am an international student. I remember one of the questions being “What is the hardest thing about being a Keystone?” and I said that it would be hard not seeing my family for a year because of the time commitments the job had. I also exchanged emails with the supervisors asking for help on how to fill out the tax forms cause I did not have a social security number at that time.
Training is about to start and I purposely fly 2 months before school starts because Gateway requested that I come in to train and work early. I do not get a salary with the job, they pay me by providing free rent. I arrive on time for training and all the new Keystones were led into a study room. I recognized the girl calling me to be Heather, the one who interviewed me and eventually hired me. She asked for my passport, visa and I-20. She looked over it and said “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to hire you”. They told me that they have no affiliation with USC. 99% of their residents may be students of USC but they are in no way affiliated with USC. So, them employing me would be illegal and I understand that. What I’m extremely frustrated about is that this could have been avoided had they checked with HR before I actually arrived in the US. I would not have been angry if they rejected me during the application process simply because of the legal issues. That is completely understandable but to have them check my documents so late into the process when I already had readily given them everything they have asked for and possibly need is absurd. I was mislead by their own staff that I was eligible to work for them. They could have corrected me; they had 4 months to do so.
Gateway is the most expensive yet convenient off-campus housing option around USC. So, Gateway would not have been an option if I did not get the job because it is simply too expensive for me to live there. So with that sentence, my job and my accommodation for the next 12 months just disappeared. I understand that there is no way they can hire me and I respect the laws of the United States. However, the subsequent events not only increased my resentment towards Gateway but prompted me to finally speak out and do something about their incompetence and greed.
As of today, Gateway refuses to compensate me in any shape or form besides allowing me to break my lease without penalties. They will not allow my roommate to break her lease and so we are going to be separated. We were already so set in living together and now I have to be randomly assigned a roommate in my alternate housing option. Gateway is the only reason why I am in LA for the next two months as school does not start till August 22. They are evicting me tomorrow after only being in this country for less than a week.
Gateway is getting away scot-free, maybe besides a guilty conscience but at this point, I doubt they have one. They are in this business to make money and disregard anyone else in their way. I am just an international student and I cannot fight against a large American company by myself, which is why I’m not looking to sue them or anything. I simply want to put this message out to all you USC students. This is their mistake and I am the one being punished. No one should be screwed over so badly, international student or a US citizen.
No more fear, stop the silence. Everyone has a voice and deserves to be heard. Please spread the word.
*This is not my story, but the story of a friend who asked that everyone who reads this, repost it on their own blog so the truth can come out and be known. She is being treated incredibly unfairly, as you can see, and I wanted to help. Thats all.*
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
When some nights
Pain. Its something we all have to live through. It can be consuming, the worst thing in your life, but it doesn't always have to be.
For me, pain comes in a myriad of ways. Physically, when I bruise myself walking into a table. Clumsy, I know. Or emotionally, when I believe one of my friends has betrayed me, left me feeling like a fool. Or spiritually, when at times I think that I'm not being heard by my God. But the pain is the same, consuming, intense, and it weighs down on your life in a way that some how, everything around you becomes less. You become less. You become the sum of your pain, and its frustrating how you can't seem to break through it.
The truth is, the pain isn't typically the problem-how you handle the pain, is. Relying on others to cheer you up, or relying on yourself, ignoring the problem entirely, or spending too much time on it. Really, there isn't any clear method to rid yourself of the pain of trials you may be going through in life. But the thing is, you can't rush it, and you can't usher it away. Its going to stay as long as its going to stay. So, why not just let it be, and live with it?
I know that living with pain is hard, its complicated, and sometimes really conflicting with your otherwise nature. But in all honesty, sometimes you just have to accept the pain with the pleasure in life. Not everything is going to work out how you want it to, and not everyone is going to be able to live up to your expectations. With that in mind, pain becomes less. You have to let the pain run its coarse, stop struggling with yourself, and just let it be. Because the pain is part of you, and how can anything stand when it wars with itself?
My way of getting through trials, apart from the occasional ice cream, is just relying on Christ, and hanging out with my friends, trying to make them laugh. I love making people happy, laugh, with my retarded antics and sense of humor. Laughter is the best medicine, I'm sure you've heard. And sometimes you really need it. Especially during the hard times.
During those times when you think you've had enough, when you want to just give up, just have a laugh. I know its hard, and somewhat stupid sounding, but life is hard enough as it is. Everyone around you, the world crumbling about-laugh to yourself. Give yourself the blessing of a light heart, laugh, smile, and remember the good things in your life. Your family, your health, your special someone, God's love, perhaps a pet, your possessions-there are so many things you can be grateful for, to smile about. And if anything else, a good friend is always here for you.
So smile.
For me, pain comes in a myriad of ways. Physically, when I bruise myself walking into a table. Clumsy, I know. Or emotionally, when I believe one of my friends has betrayed me, left me feeling like a fool. Or spiritually, when at times I think that I'm not being heard by my God. But the pain is the same, consuming, intense, and it weighs down on your life in a way that some how, everything around you becomes less. You become less. You become the sum of your pain, and its frustrating how you can't seem to break through it.
The truth is, the pain isn't typically the problem-how you handle the pain, is. Relying on others to cheer you up, or relying on yourself, ignoring the problem entirely, or spending too much time on it. Really, there isn't any clear method to rid yourself of the pain of trials you may be going through in life. But the thing is, you can't rush it, and you can't usher it away. Its going to stay as long as its going to stay. So, why not just let it be, and live with it?
I know that living with pain is hard, its complicated, and sometimes really conflicting with your otherwise nature. But in all honesty, sometimes you just have to accept the pain with the pleasure in life. Not everything is going to work out how you want it to, and not everyone is going to be able to live up to your expectations. With that in mind, pain becomes less. You have to let the pain run its coarse, stop struggling with yourself, and just let it be. Because the pain is part of you, and how can anything stand when it wars with itself?
My way of getting through trials, apart from the occasional ice cream, is just relying on Christ, and hanging out with my friends, trying to make them laugh. I love making people happy, laugh, with my retarded antics and sense of humor. Laughter is the best medicine, I'm sure you've heard. And sometimes you really need it. Especially during the hard times.
During those times when you think you've had enough, when you want to just give up, just have a laugh. I know its hard, and somewhat stupid sounding, but life is hard enough as it is. Everyone around you, the world crumbling about-laugh to yourself. Give yourself the blessing of a light heart, laugh, smile, and remember the good things in your life. Your family, your health, your special someone, God's love, perhaps a pet, your possessions-there are so many things you can be grateful for, to smile about. And if anything else, a good friend is always here for you.
So smile.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Here's Your Chance
Beauty is only skin deep, or so everyone say's. Its limited, superficial, what you see is what you get. But what do people really see when they look at you? Perfect hair, flawless skin? Do they know you hide things, lie? Your eyes may be bright, and you can wear the biggest smile, but nothing ever penetrates beyond the exterior of your person. Shallow, a shell of a person that no body takes the time to get to know, because they're already contented, or dismissing of you based on your appearance.
When I was younger, all I thought about was my outside. What I looked like, what shirt and pants to wear together. I always wanted to be the prettiest girl in the classroom, the most lovely, given the most attention. And when I wasn't, I fell apart, like an immature child not getting her way. But as I grew up, slowly I began to realize that quality wasn't really in the appearance, it was in the person that was underneath the image.
I no longer care about appearance the way I used to. Don't get me wrong, I still want to look my best, to shine-but I want to shine for who I am, not who I can look like. I want to constantly grow in who I am, who I can be. My personality, my character, my morals, my mind-I want all of those things to continually grow, flourish until I no longer have any more of myself to know and understand.
Now a days, having grown away from my own superficiality, I always want to know who a person is. Not how they look, or even what they do-but who they are, and why they do things. I want to know what makes them tick, what they love, hate, interests them, makes them turn away in disdain. I want to see the beauty that lives and breathes on the inside of a person's heart, much more than I want to see the outer inspiration.
A person is more than just what they look like, the sum of their bank account, their jobs, or even their names. Their an entire enigma, based off thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, dreams, fears. They react to everything, see anything, know all that they can. So when I hear that beauty is only skin deep, I have to shudder at that, because its so untrue.
Beauty isn't skin deep. Its so much more than that image you see when you come across a person. The real beauty is in the heart, and sometimes you get to see that beauty reflect itself in the person's outside. So always be on the look out for that, and always take the time to actually get to know someone. Because sometimes, a person's outside may be gorgeous-but their heart is ugly. And equally, sometimes, a person's outside may be ugly, but their heart is beautiful.
Beauty isn't skin deep.
When I was younger, all I thought about was my outside. What I looked like, what shirt and pants to wear together. I always wanted to be the prettiest girl in the classroom, the most lovely, given the most attention. And when I wasn't, I fell apart, like an immature child not getting her way. But as I grew up, slowly I began to realize that quality wasn't really in the appearance, it was in the person that was underneath the image.
I no longer care about appearance the way I used to. Don't get me wrong, I still want to look my best, to shine-but I want to shine for who I am, not who I can look like. I want to constantly grow in who I am, who I can be. My personality, my character, my morals, my mind-I want all of those things to continually grow, flourish until I no longer have any more of myself to know and understand.
Now a days, having grown away from my own superficiality, I always want to know who a person is. Not how they look, or even what they do-but who they are, and why they do things. I want to know what makes them tick, what they love, hate, interests them, makes them turn away in disdain. I want to see the beauty that lives and breathes on the inside of a person's heart, much more than I want to see the outer inspiration.
A person is more than just what they look like, the sum of their bank account, their jobs, or even their names. Their an entire enigma, based off thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, dreams, fears. They react to everything, see anything, know all that they can. So when I hear that beauty is only skin deep, I have to shudder at that, because its so untrue.
Beauty isn't skin deep. Its so much more than that image you see when you come across a person. The real beauty is in the heart, and sometimes you get to see that beauty reflect itself in the person's outside. So always be on the look out for that, and always take the time to actually get to know someone. Because sometimes, a person's outside may be gorgeous-but their heart is ugly. And equally, sometimes, a person's outside may be ugly, but their heart is beautiful.
Beauty isn't skin deep.
So okay
The birds. Its always the first thing I hear in the morning; chirping, songs in the midst of the early morning hours when darkness still reigns. Its the most beautiful thing to me, hearing them, their sweet sounds. I always envision what its like to be a bird, to fly, to soar amidst the tree's and the sky. Irregardless of the fact I'm somewhat afraid to fly, I'd still do so, given the chance. I have to thank the Lord for allowing me to hear them, really, cause I can't imagine something else so lovely to arrive to in those lonely hours.
I've been writing for nearly five hours straight, and my hands are incredibly sore, cramped. I've always heard that, when something is truly your passion, you forget the pains and costs of chasing after such things. But I don't really believe that. I think at times, your passion becomes your pain, because although it drives you, it also holds you down. Crushes you if you don't succeed. A double edged sword, I guess you might say.
I've been writing on stories for over ten years now, at least the serious versions. Journal writing since I was 16 years old, as well. Sharing your thoughts is harder than I could have imagined, allowing someone in to see you from the inside out, but I guess if you're comfortable enough with yourself-eventually that discomfort gets replaced with something else. Security, certainty.
Its going on 5 a.m., and all I can do is think about what it would be like, to be a bird.
I've been writing for nearly five hours straight, and my hands are incredibly sore, cramped. I've always heard that, when something is truly your passion, you forget the pains and costs of chasing after such things. But I don't really believe that. I think at times, your passion becomes your pain, because although it drives you, it also holds you down. Crushes you if you don't succeed. A double edged sword, I guess you might say.
I've been writing on stories for over ten years now, at least the serious versions. Journal writing since I was 16 years old, as well. Sharing your thoughts is harder than I could have imagined, allowing someone in to see you from the inside out, but I guess if you're comfortable enough with yourself-eventually that discomfort gets replaced with something else. Security, certainty.
Its going on 5 a.m., and all I can do is think about what it would be like, to be a bird.
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